Somewhere Out There
by Yunidreon
Summary: Why we are not able to appreciate what surrounds us too, and give them the value they deserve and realize how much we care or we need them. Now when all it's gone, some heavy and dark feelings are aching inside myself. If only...
I finally returned to the writing department after a long hiatus, sorry but I had many businesses and a blog to keep me busy. This is my first attempt to write something for this fandom, and this pairing is the number one among all my ships, because this was my first one. Long time ago when I was only a child and watched the anime from 1988, those two attracted my attention and at the next moment I was pairing them, although at that times I did not know what yaoi or shipping was or will turn into.

This comes after episode 24 and nullifies episode 25.

To finish this disclaimer. This story is dedicated to RinaSkitty and Ashy-Matsuno-Boy.

 **Somewhere Out There**

 **Chapter 1**

In this vast and immense world why we always consider things to be immutable once they manifest, that leads us into habit and routine that then makes us to always believe that our environment will never change and our lives and days will always be the same in a endless and repeating cycle. That makes people become more reluctant if anything, no matter how small and insignificant it is, begins to affect or change subtly their fixed routine; ignoring those signals allows their growth and spread, affecting other aspects of the lives of those beings, producing changes that would surround and overwhelm those who decided to ignore them from the start.

Why we are not able to appreciate what surrounds us too, and give them the value they deserve and realize how much we care or we need them, if so hard is to admit that to ourselves then that difficulty increases exponentially when we want to let others know it, especially to the ones we mean. So complicated is it that we only realize once they have gone away or lost forever, then we regret those missed opportunities and the times we kept us silent or we despise that being out of shame or desire to deny it or hide it, and when it is so late we always fall into despair and we assume that they will never return.

It is sufficient mention of these universal principles, for a better understanding of them, we would see how we can apply them to a short story and see how sapient beings unfold before them.

It all starts in a new moon night, with no visible stars as a dense blanket of clouds covered the sky, an environment that was empathetic with the true emotional state of one being. One who was locked up and lost in his room, which had previously hosted six people but of them he was the only one who remained, the others had begun to find their own paths and those had led them away from their home and that room. But conformism had taken possession of him for a long time and had refrained him from even trying to change, he felt an immense fear to leave their shelter and try new things that he had stalled in time, his true intention had always been to retain and drag the others with him so that they will not go away from his side. It went without saying that his efforts had been in vain and the others had perceived them as a sign of selfishness and thus he had pushed them away even more.

In the darkness and solitude of that room, that being kept locked itself to hide those heavy feelings, the sorrow that afflicted him since his brothers were gone and had left him behind in the same stagnation that he himself had imposed. He had always been convinced that they depended on him for being the eldest, but recently had crashed against the hard reality that had always been the other way around and it was he who depended on them, now that they had left it felt as if the only thing that kept him on his feet was gone.

And it had all started when one of them decided and managed to become independent, then the others followed in his footsteps and thus gradually he was being left alone, until he received the final blow when he realized that the others tried to move on and he was unable to do so. What hurt him most was that the first, who left, was the one who was supposed to be the brother he valued the most, who supposedly knew him better and shared the closest bond. He had always believed that he would be the last to abandon him, thought that despite them both did not get along lately, was only an obstacle to surpass, how wrong he had been and that only increased his pain and suffering.

Several nights with their days, he had been lost in those reflections; the first night had passed with thoughts like these.

Osomatsu: (Between anger and sorrow) "Why you could not stay the same as you were, and not try to change, as we all do"

Shortly after the other's departure, he had been in such a bad mood that anything made him react aggressively, but inside he was asking the same question over and over again.

Osomatsu: (Pensive) "What exists out there, in order that you'd rather go out and face the world than stay here in the safety of the environment you know"

However the fact that that one decided to go out and against the established order, inspired others to follow those steps, one at a time were leaving the safety of home to try to find their own roads. While the eldest developed bitterness and resentment towards that person, the one who started it all.

Osomatsu: (Angrily) "You always were selfish and never thought about what could happen while you should obtain what you wanted, yet I still do not know why the others would emulate you, they fell for it and I know that for sure they will be regretting it"

During the following days he kept on waiting at the possibility that the others will return and feel repentant, he had thought to rub his mistake on their faces to make sure they never let that to happen again, but he would not mind if the first one returned as indeed he'd rather not have to see him anymore. For him it would be like if he were already dead, buried and forgotten.

Osomatsu: (Bitterly) "After everything we went, you didn't make an effort on trying to understand or solve our problems..." (Annoyed) "Why I am giving so much importance to a coward who left me behind, alone and abandoned..." (With anger) "Why it still affects me, even more when I decided to pretend he never existed...

It was clear that a selfish version of the events was installed on his mind, as he assumed that all the other's actions and their consequences revolved around him, which contradicted his alleged attempts to pretend he did not care or nothing had changed or would. But the most frustrating thing was that all his efforts had ended in a resounding failure, had not only failed to banish that being out of his thoughts, but now he could not stop thinking about him and giving his actions the interpretation that they had been something personal. Very soon his mind seemed to be invaded by images of him and how his departure had hurt him, to realize what frequent those events were becoming, only increased his anger towards that person and himself, occurring the opposite effect despite how much he reproached and despised himself even more.

Osomatsu: (Scolding himself) "What the hell is wrong with me that I cannot get those thoughts out of my head, someone who did not stop to consider how his decisions affect others is not worth the time of any of them, but for what reason I let it affect me if what happened..." (A pause) "Actually it has affected me, it hurts me that..."(Angrily)"It's enough, I must stop lamenting over stupid things like this and that I never cared about, he made his decision and I don't give a damn... "

No matter how much he tried to minimize the facts and their implications, it was clear that they had wounded him and that hurt a lot with the others gone, because now all he knew was gone and with it the security that have them by his side gave him; but it was more noticeable how much he had been hurt by the departure of the first, the one who abandoned him, in such a way that his mind kept mulling the matter and that sink him deeper and deeper into depression and bitterness, a situation that his parents noticed that he may never recover from. When he thought he could overcome it and began to show slight improvements, a letter from that person came and destroyed all his efforts to forget everything. That letter was left abandoned on the table and began to tempt him to open it and read it. Threatening to destroy his sanity because with the passage of time, his gaze started to glare at the missive, remaining fixed on it for hours, refusing to look up or respond to any external stimulus. On many occasions felt like his hand crept towards the table to take it and end the suspense once and for all, those moments of weakness occurred when his mind was drowning in sorrow and bitterness by the departure of his brothers, but at the last moment and he reacted violently and threw the letter away, while claiming it was inspiring him to give an opportunity to the assumed responsible of all his misery.

Osomatsu: (Frustrated) "Why you had to return with this letter when everything was already fine, I have a desire to destroy it and send to hell everything you wanted to tell me ..." (Grabbing the letter) "Who cares what you have to say, I do not care, you can go fuck yourself with your damned letter"(Throwing it into the trash bin)

But that resolution did not last long because the next morning he began to search it frantically, when he did not finding it in the bin then he asked his mother what she had done with the garbage, he went outside when told that she already had taken out the garbage from all the house; out there he saw a truck that picked up the bags and he almost screamed outrageously, but when he tried to approach the garbage truck, it started to move away swiftly, he cursed his luck quietly as he began to run to catch up and regain that letter that he had come to despise with a burning passion.

Osomatsu: (Agitated) "Why I care so much, not that I wanted to get rid of it once and for all, now why I am trying to recover it"

All morning he was chasing the truck and did not relent in their efforts until it had been reached, he climbed into the back and started rummaging through garbage on the trail of the letter, while he cursed himself for not being able to forget it or its sender; amid the filth was that he decided that the best way to overcome this once and for all, would be gathering his courage and finish with those issues, because he realized that the faster he read it sooner it would stop torturing his mind with those impulses of anxiety and despair. When he finally found the letter, a sense of relief filled himself while feeling in peace but then again he recriminated himself for reacting in a ridiculous way to that stupid letter from someone who hurt him, he slapped himself for thinking that idiocy; when the vehicle stopped then he gave up attacking himself to leave that horrible and putrid place. Once he escaped, letter in hand and emitting a stinking odor for his previous raid, he started walking his way home while grumbling for what he had done to recover the last words of a miserable.

Osomatsu: (Firmly) Never again, I hope this will end once this is over.

During the return he started thinking why he had acted in that way, what had caused him to react that way before the possibility that those words would be lost forever, even when he was determined to assume that those people never existed and always had been alone. But now he ignored what was happening with him, what forced him to jump back and think about that person again, the one who started it all and cause his lifestyle to fall apart when it changed so suddenly. He felt anger that despite all that, he was unable to do anything to banish those beings, especially the first, from his mind and memories forever.

The rest of his way, he was immersed into those thoughts that were beginning to trouble him, as it began to seem strange why that person continued to exert so much influence inside himself, at one moment he sought to pretend that he did not care that he was gone away and at the next he was completely taciturn thinking what would happen to him now that he was no longer there, then reproach himself for still carrying those thoughts that each time unsettled or increasingly tormented him, he even toyed with the idea that that letter was what was amplifying the frequency of those thoughts that crossed his mind, but now it had been proven that that came from his inside. Arriving home and with his humor darken by the lack of answers, he went upstairs to bathe to get rid of that stinking odor that his raid, to retrieve that damned letter, had left him.

Once he had finished his bath, he returned to the room to sit near the table where he had left the letter, it was again resting on the same surface where it had been for several days. He still did not want to open it since in his mind still existed the idea to disappear it once and for all, but knowing he would never be able to carry out such act and that the letter would continue to torture him as long as it remained sealed, it was that he decided to end this situation once and for all. He reached out and took that damn envelope, the one that contained what was going to drive him crazy, tore it swiftly and discarded after extracting its contents while holding in his hands the damn paper and recognizing that calligraphy, which belonged to the one that had caused his hardships.

As he began to read, he imagined that its content would be filled and loaded with its sender's ego, bragging of what he had achieved and surely many occasional criticism related to how he was facing the situation in which he found himself, he expected some occasional scolding or presumption of their situation and would boast about being able to offer advice. But his expression changed as he read as nothing that he had expected turned out to be true, at the beginning the sender expressed how he had come to his resolution and how difficult and painful he had found to change everything that was their world for trying to grow and move forward, pausing when adding that he would have liked to receive support from "everyone" while remarking that simple word. Then the letter was going through how those last few days had elapsed and their events had occurred, continuing with how occasionally he wondered if he had made the right decision because while he was growing up as a person, he could not help but often thought it was too early as sudden, sometimes he thought that perhaps he was not as prepared to deal with such a change as he had assumed.

With those words the message ended. That person, who had been reading it, was dumbfounded as he had fallen on false assumptions and had misjudged his brother's actions. He had never intended to abandon him, but quickly covered that as abandon 'them', only had been looking for his own way and inevitably that path had taken him away. Neither had ever crossed his mind that he really cared about his opinion that much, he really wanted him to give him his support and expected that he would have encouraged him in his crusade. He had assumed that he might not mean anything to him, because of all these years with all his teasing that pushed them into fighting. But now it had another meaning as he was blinded and absorbed by what was happening to him, he failed to notice what the other might have been feeling. Adding the fact that surely with those obnoxious attitudes had not only pushed the sender away but also the others from his side forever.

So lost he was in his thoughts and those in the letter that he had finally opened, showing indifference towards time, even the sun had set while he was still taciturn and thoughtful, and the missive still in his hand. His gaze was directed towards the infinity of the sky, which was tinged with a deep blue hue. As the moon made its ascent into the nightly ether, which was slowly being speckled with stars, that twinkled at a steady pace. As he fixed his glance to that silver disc that traveled its fixed way, in recent days the argent lady of the night had been his only companion. Wondering if it were possible that the sender, no, his brother, was also lonely and looking at that sky at that same moment.

Osomatsu: (Lost in the vastness of the night) "It could be that all time I was wrong, they did not need me but it was me who depended on their presence. But with what I did, I do not think they would want to know anything about me anymore" (Dejected) "Why I always wanted to keep them beside me, thwarting all the opportunities that appeared on their lives, in my mind was the idea that they were threats, not for them but for myself" (Angrily) What kind of horrible creature I am! (Raging) I hate myself!

Then from his hand slips the letter, but he was so absorbed in his contempt for himself that he did not notice it, as he slowly sank into those heavy feelings that were consuming and corroding him from the inside out. And even if they had been two months after the arrival of the fallen letter, that broken being began to realize that it would have been better to read it when it arrived or never, but now all the emotions bubbling inside him were hurting by the effects coming from the words of that missive. Now that he knew what how really the other felt, realizing it and its acceptance process were much more difficult and painful, since he had the option to make amends with the other and instead widened the fissure that already separated them.

It was when his gaze turns to the fallen paper, his eyes stay fixed on the letter as several feeings crossed his mind and heart...

 **To be Continued...**

What do you think? I know that my writing sucks but I really wanted to do it.

If you liked it then comment, every constructive critique will be accepted and considered.

No flames, please.


End file.
